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I forgot to tell you all that my little friend at the gas station who said he wanted to die walked over and talked to me while I was outside smoking a cigarette. He told me I was his best friend. Then he said he sells narcotics, and that if I married him he would stop drinking and he'd treat me really well. Oh, and that he had a gun to his head but decided not to kill himself because of me.
I'm a fucking saint. See the profound effect I have on all people who come into contact with me?
